To quickly preface, I heard this first from Gary Vaynerchuk and it hit me so hard. I knew instantly it was my core “truth” so much that I would write a post about it to share with you (along with actually living it) in hopes of it giving you a different perspective.
Have you ever had someone ask you what you thought the meaning of life was?
No? Me either.
But I think about it probably every day. In my first post, 400 Trillion : 1, I talked about how grateful we should all be for actually becoming a human being. I explained how gratitude was my number one driver of doing what I do.
While gratitude is my main motivation, there is another thesis that drives my daily, hourly, and minute-to-minute decisions and interactions.
That thesis is predicated on the amount of people that come to my funeral.
When everything is said and done and I am not around anymore - who will come to see me?
What type of impact did I leave on this Earth in the very short period of time that I was here?
What was my legacy?
One of my biggest “highs” in life is whenever I hear someone else say something nice about me while I'm not in the same room.
You have to define what you want to be remembered for and I just believe from the bottom of my heart that no one will care about how much money I made, they will remember how I made them feel.
Caring about people more than the average person.
While I have tried my best to use this as a foundation for how I navigate through life, I also use it as the core priority of my "business model".
You want to know how much selling I actually do for my business?
How does this work?
It’s because I give first. I try to provide 51% to every person I meet. I want to give you allllll the value you need upfront, for free, because it gives me one of the most important variables to making a sale:
Leverage creates opportunity.
It’s almost like guilting the person into working with me.
This is the same strategy that has worked for me so well when communicating with other people and getting them to like me.
“Whoa, hold up. That sounds a lot like manipulation.”
It is, but it isn’t. Let me explain:
It is only manipulation if your intent is bad.
It would be manipulation if I put on this “fake” friendly personality on social media and the Internet and then got you to sign up with me, then I never gave a shit about you after I got your money. If I only cared about getting the money and not actually helping people reach their fitness goals, then it would be manipulation.
I actually turn people down quite frequently for coaching because I don’t think we are a right fit and I either refer them to someone else or I send them free information that I know will benefit them. This is because I have their vested interest in mind and I’m not trying to make a quick buck. When I preach “patience and the long game”, I don’t just mean in fitness. It applies in business just as much.
When your intent is pure, you genuinely care and have the other person’s best interest in mind, then it is not manipulation. Because you actually help the person.
When meeting new people, they (usually) end up liking me because I’m truly interested in them. I ask them questions about them and what they care about.
Want someone to like you more? Shut your mouth and let them do the talking.
This is one of my favorite pieces of advice given in one of the greatest books of all time, How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Life-changing book.
But you can’t fake it!
People have very good “bullshit detectors”. As soon as they find out you’re only being nice to them because YOU want something from them, they’re going to be more disgusted than if you were just a douche from the beginning.
People hate feeling tricked because it means the other person thought they could deceive them in order to get what they wanted. We don’t hate the guy who admitted to using steroids from the very beginning when he first got caught, we hate the guy who tried to cover it up for years and then finally got exposed.
This brings me to my next point:
Doing the right thing is always the right thing.
This can be as simple as saying “thank you”, holding the door open for people, making eye contact and smiling at people, etc.
But I want to take this in a different route that many of you may not think about.
- It is easy to be nice and do the right thing whenever you’re in a great mood.
- It is easy to be friendly and do the right thing when you’re happy.
- It is easy to treat others the way you want to be treated when life is wonderful.
- What is not easy is doing the right thing when someone f*cks you over.
- What is not easy is when someone talks crap about you behind your back.
- What is not easy is when you’ve given so much to someone else and they end up hurting you.
This is the real test of your character.
Many of you may be thinking that I’m asking you to not stand up for yourself.
Quite the opposite, actually. I’m telling you to take the ultimate stand for yourself.
When someone f*cks you over, it means you should cut them out or limit the amount of time you spend with them because they don’t care enough about you to keep them relevant.
When someone talks crap about you behind your back it means this person is not honest and likely has many insecurities of their own followed with envy of a quality you do have.
When you’ve given so much to someone and they end up hurting you, it is an opportunity for you to grow as a person and realize your life may be better off without that person or limited interaction with them.
All of these negative outcomes result in you being a happier person as long as you respond to them appropriately. This is the most selfish thing you can do because you respond to them in a way that brings you inner peace, not bringing the other person the satisfaction of seeing you upset.
Too many times people want to try and get “revenge”, or physically fight someone who wronged them or even just looked at them the wrong way, or do all kinds of dumb retaliations as a result of ego, which only leads them to more unhappiness and negative consequences.
The biggest “tell” of someone who lets their emotions control them is how they respond under pressure.
Do not let your emotions and impulses puppeteer your responses. Re-read the Frankl quote above.
That being said, let’s take a step back real quick.
This is my disclaimer before many of you may come at me with some unique outlier situation where a certain response is warranted. I fully understand and am aware that there are certain contexts that elude to a response different than I have described.
However, this is what has worked for me and various others to remain happy 90% of the time. In no way am I trying to put myself on a pedastool and “wag my finger” down at people who don’t live this way.
You do you.
So, what really matters?
You remember the Golden Rule you’ve likely heard since you were young?
"Treat others the way you want to be treated."
It is cliche and constantly repeated, but it is the absolute truth.
To flip this on it’s head, what is the alternative?
Negativity, pessimism, and cynicism?
Nah. Doing the right thing, optimism, and positivity lead to a waaaaay happier life.
Negativity is the easy way out. It’s much harder to be nice.
My hopes of this blog post was to at least make you think differently about how you treat people.
We were put on this Earth to connect with people. One of the worst punishments you can give someone is solitary confinement.
This shows we biologically crave human interaction.
Since we have this evolutionary advantage of craving human interaction, don’t you think it is our duty to do good amongst one another?
I do from the bottom of my heart and I want you to come to my funeral because I made you feel better about yourself and made your life better.
I want my time to end on this earth knowing that I impacted even one person’s life. Just one.
Then I’ll be happy.
I appreciate you reading this and I only have one (albeit cheesy) final question for you:
Who is going to come to your funeral?
*If you’ve read this far, thank you, and I would love for you to do me a huge favor and share this with just one person who may need to read this. It would mean the world to me. :)*
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- Gary Vee Quote - @garyvee on Instagram
- Frankl Quote - www.dailystoic.com